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Writing & Poetry

->I'm Not A Star-I'm not a star and neither am I trying to be,all that glitz all that glamour ,then going bankrupt like hammer,because I'm not a star so don't follow me everywhere I go,paparazzi this,paparazzi that,who needs all that stress?but I guess even the rats and roaches have to eat too,wondering where will I sit?its too crowded here,but I forget sometimes,I'm a star so it's first class all the way..just charge it man it's ok,I'm a star,everyone wishes they were in my shoes,going broke trying to duplicate my tastes,what I wear,what I drive,the glimmer of my neck,wrist and finger,trying to mimic me,the star,walk talk and act like me,when in reality it's you who made me who I am,so am I really any better than you?could it be the money that makes you think so?when I started from nothing just like you,have I really earned such a level of glorification?prestige outweighs my accomplishments,am I a star,which from down here looks like little bright specks in the sky,as I smile at the thought,is this what I look like?                                                                                         =>Inside Looking Out,am I headed towards destruction?..on a road going nowhere,every uncertainty possible,no clarity,no navigational system whatsoever,anxiety heightening,blood pumping,heart racing,so many emotions,barely containable,there is that sense,but I choose to ignore it and keep going,going,going,what has it all meant?now total darkness..what is this all about?I'm inside looking out
=>I will always place by bet and let it ride on if it don't add up then it won't survive,a short distance goodbye without a cry,sweet dreams beginning , nightmarish ending,no loving?no hugging?not a kiss,nor a touch,I don't deserve to feel so much,or do I?a confliction with clarity,or is it clear and I just don't want to see? like I said before I will place my bet and let it ride , if it don't add up you will not survive,if there is no love,there is no essence , holding on to memories of what once was, aspirations running deep with what I desire things to be,should I follow the rules when you adjust the rules to suit you?is the real pursuit of happiness to pursue only what pursues you?do I even count?because the math just not adding up,or was I even a part of your calculation to begin with? a short distance goodbye neither you nor I should cry,because truthfully what was really never was you and I.
=>The Third Degree/I Ask Myself-Is America truly the land of the free?why does politics control majority decision on just about everything,everywhere?will there ever be a president that will really stand for what they believe in and not be swayed by media,power,money,or politics?if we say "in God we trust"why is the Bible being torn apart to convenience everyone's individual beliefs?if we hate gangs,then why is everything divided by labels and groups with each own personal agendas?is gay considered a race?should you be judged on your past if you lived a promiscuous lifestyle?if so is the statement "can't turn a whore into a housewife true?if your a racist,if you have thoughts of having sex with the opposite race are you in fact truly racist?will racist ways ever cease?should some people be allowed to carry guns even though they can meet the requirements?why is it called child support if the child in many cases never see a dime of that money?Why do you see people on the Internet hours and hours social networking when they have poor social skills and no legitimate network ?are we controlled by media?will music ever regain a real pulse?In rap music,if you take all of the curse words out of your songs will they make sense?and last but not least,will what I have to say even be heard without money,fame,material,political,or ass kissing influence?One Nation Under God..or One divided Nation Under Ourselves?
 
=>The Past(I Remember)Remembering the times,times of struggle,times of grief,times of hardship,times of pain,things that cannot be changed,things that the normal person could not even begin to phantom,looking thru the rear view window of my mind, trying to place everything into its proper order,to make sense of it all,kind of like climb the toughest cliff and trying not to fall,often riddled with notions of giving up,but letting go would be the easy way out,don't you think?yes,it can get hard,harder for some than others,but that thing called choice,will I let life get the best of me?or grab ahold,place adversity beneath my feet and not over my head,negative to positive,keep moving forward,remembering good or bad,the past ,which is who I am,but never dwelling there,after all your past is just that,yet still I remember
=>In a world filled with envy,jealousy & desire to have/achieve/take/rub up against success..whether it be wealth of any sort..money,fame,material,physical..there is a overwhelming urge to feel drawn to what we want or wish we could achieve,I take no place in this amazing race,youll find yourself searching for yourself trying to live the life of someone else.Everyone needs a hero,mentor,confidant,lover,transferof energy,life is one big emotional roller coaster,scared to live so we live thru someone else's achievements and accomplishments & scared to die also going thru life with so many misses & regrets,its funny the eyes help us to see but we still seem to remain blind to reality or unfocused with perfect vision..even knowing that something or someone is unhealthy,unsafe,or harmful to or for you we sometimes tend to look past or ignore the facts & give way to the possibilities,even if it means pain,disappointment,or maybe even worse.

=>(Feelings) Nothing more than bottomless pits of nothingness,cold gusts of wind coldest winter day,uncontrollable thoughts in my head,a closet inside my heart,a revolving door that never seems to ever stop turning,& a roaring flame that never seems to stop burning,an ocean of emotions spreading out further than the eyes can see,might seem minute to you, but significant to me,but all & all,really..what are my feelings truly?a grain of sand sitting on the beach amongst many ->Writing-So many views on everything from A to Z ,so much destruction & disappointment from all mankind,so much money wasted across the board,so much finger pointing ,not nearly enough resolution,so much talk when no one really even listens or understands what's going on & the damage & division it is doing to this country,politicalism...social status...the have nots seem to be the ones doing the most talking & probably will die a have not..this country has been in trouble for a long time now,traditional..what does that word mean?no values play an important role in personal situations as well as in society in general,wake up..it's much much deeper than your little vision of what's right & what is wrong,it is going to take much more than a democrat or a republic to fix our problems...our kids have lost the respect factor,the Bible is no longer a guideline in most of our lives..the word traditional has nearly become nonexistent & unless we take a good look in the mirror none of this will ever change.
=>Chasing Value - looking back on where we were-seeing forward on what we've become- I remember this- I remember that-the good old days..it's just something about them good ole days-not claiming that they were the best of times-just a little bit better than now-where have we gone wrong?are we chasing value?or is it all social,sexual, and political?is there a time where we put down the devices and dedicate time to family-or focusing on self betterment?holidays and birthdays are not the only days on the calendar..from my first day to my funeral what makes me,me?we should be created equal-every man woman and child-first came man-then came woman-we wed & then we created a child,together ..we should live,laughing and cherishing the time we have here..chasing value- hopefull of a better you-working towards a better me

->For every word that I never said,everything that I never did,every place that I never went,all the wasteful time spent.. every beautiful thing that I never did see,all of the neglected responsibilities,when I go will any of this even matter?the pain,the headache,the heartbreak,the fear,the joy,the sorrow,no promises of tomorrow,the constant need to feel accepted,the loath of being rejected,when all I want is to be respected ,when I go.
=>Situations that evolve in mass confusion-misusing -misplaced feelings of love for lustful injections imbedded deep into the veins like a junkie and that next hit-brief moments of pleasure that never seem to satisfy that next fix-knowing that its not right-but what good really ever is?conflicts between peers-smiles and tears-mixed emotions rubbed into the skin like lotion-wi
th dryness as fears-powerful subconscious secretions meeting together like two locomotives in a collision-choices and decisions we make with haste-like a man without vision-blinded with lies as our mentor-constantly thirsting for more- orgasmic addictions-now who's the whore? 

->Family-My cornerstone,my backbone,thru the good times & bad ones,you are always going to be, my family.Sometimes it does get hard,and the road is not always smooth,still you & I are family,and those are just things that we go thru.Whether bonded by name,blood,or special moments that we share,I may not always be on time,but I will always be there,we may fight & argue at times,but this I will tell you,family sweet family,I love you. (Dedicated to Dorlisa Yolanda Flowers & Sarah Batteast)

->Antwan Bigbizness Flowers Moments In Time.... How did I get here?that's the question I keep asking myself..was it all of the lonely moments that I had spend wishing & hoping that at some point she would wake up and smell the coffee,notice that I was longing to be near her,hold her,hug her tight and squeeze that ass that I once loved so much,lock lips then whisper in her ear" I love you bae" moments in time..before the arguing,fighting,long sexual hiatus,the cold stares,sleeping on opposite sides of the bed,wasting precious time on insignificant issues,holding on to grudges,and orchestrating countless ways to inflict pain on one another..moments in time...separate holiday functions,parents never gave that a try,and also dirty love ties wouldn't permit that situation even if the parent thing wasn't an issue,I guess some things are better left unsaid,swept under a rug,kept in that closet huh?lol,Moments in time..hop in my car,start that engine and just drive..drive until the wheels fall off,drive until nothing that was bothering me affects me anymore..peddle to the metal the sound of the wind as it blows past the frame,all of my worries in my rearview,and my future ahead of me..I drive,drive,and drive some more..then I stop...out of gas,felt good..but can't run,have to face things head on,so I fill up,turn around,and head back..moments in time...soft touch,sweet caress,warm embraces,you always know just what to say..late night phone calls lasting all night into the early morning light,so sexual and also attentive,but that's another moment in time;)                                                  ->This is the way it is,no sugar coat.no filter,no holding back,cutting thru like a knife ,life sharp tip thumb tack

->A New Day-Sitting here waiting and counting the moments till my new day begins,reflecting on my actions,situations,and experiences that my previous 24 hours will leave behind,with each new day comes a new fate,new experiences,new challenges to overcome,new emotions to feel,new faces to greet,new places that I might go,new things that I may see,I know that each day is precious,and that I should be thankful for every moment , but I just can't help myself but wondering what that beautiful new day holds in store for me.
 
=>Does it matter that when I look around me all that I see is a world filled with desperate cries for reconstruction to avoid destruction ?does it matter that our kids,which are supposed to be our future,do not even care about their own?we either did or didn't embrace that time,but now we're grown,or supposed to be.. could we shake our minds and not our behinds?instead of maintaining things,finding ways of changing things?or does that matter? If I dress,walk,talk, and act that way surely someone will see my value,accept less and what should I expect?does it matter that faith in humanity,decency,integrity,individuality,morality,compassion,traditional values,family,self respect go hand and hand now with the word extinct?that the voices of reason are only murmured behind the feelings of inadequacy along with the need to be accepted,respected,loved,feared,understood..part of the in crowd, but out of touch with reality,reflecting on these words with a bleak disposition at times,my answer is yes,yes it does matter..and coming as I am,I think it,I write it down,with the hopeful notion that these words may touch or relate to someone somewhere and then and only then will it truly matter.               =>SAY IT!!! Say it again.. I want to hear you,I want to understand it,so please repeat yourself,& maybe I'll be listening this time. Got it?            

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